I Speak

So, I hear there’s a debate about whether or not this book titled Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson should be banned. Apparently, a gentleman by the name of Wesley Scroggins feels that there are some issues addressed in the book which many should find offensive. Topics such as dysfunctional families and teenage sex are topics to which our children shouldn’t be exposed. Nor is the topic of rape. You may read what Mr. Scroggins says HERE.

Well, as the parent of three children, I can only agree…dysfunctional families are something no child should ever know. Teenage sex is something no parent should ever have to acknowledge. In a perfect world, we wouldn’t have to. Children would be taken care of and loved as they deserve. Our teens would be more careful with themselves, and not take chances with their futures and their lives. However, as a parent of two teens, I can say for fact that all I can do is raise them right and teach them what they need to know to survive. Because since I’m not locking them in a bubble in our house for the rest of their lives, the outside world will impact and influence my children.

I view it as my responsibility as a parent to know what my children are reading. My blog partner and I recently had a conversation wherein she expressed surprise that I read ALL of the books that are purchased or given to my children before they do. I have requested that their teachers tell me what books will be read so I can read those, as well. Christin was surprised by this, as her reading choices were never questioned as a child. Neither were mine. Reading was encouraged, and I was NEVER told I couldn't read a book. But I want to know what my children are reading so that I can discuss with them the topics that need discussion. This is the answer to books with uncomfortable topics...individual parental choices about whether the topic is appropriate for your child. Discussing the controversial topic with your child. Banning of books is NEVER the answer.

On the topic of rape, I have a very different opinion, however. I COMPLETELY agree with Mr. Scroggins…no child should ever know this. My thirteen-year-old self included.

I was raped when I was thirteen, by a friend of our family. It happened in an era and in an area where to publicly acknowledge its occurrence by pressing charges against the ADULT who raped me would’ve brought shame upon my whole family. So, instead my mother packed us up and moved us out of state. We left. Ran. I was a child whose mama tucked her tail between her legs and left the area. The only thought I had was that I’d never have to see him again.

I didn’t think about the nightmares which I would have, and still occasionally suffer. I didn’t think about wanting to have a boyfriend. I didn’t think about ever wanting to get married and have children. And I didn’t think about how hard any of that would be without ever having acknowledged that the rape had occurred. My family knew. I knew.

But the only counseling I received as a child was while hospitalized for attempting suicide four months after the rape. The doctor reviewing my case learned the reason why I attempted suicide...learned of the shame and guilt I felt for my mother having to give up her job and leave her family to move halfway across the country with me. Learned how I couldn't make friends at my new school because I felt like the fact that I was damaged was tattooed on my forehead. Learned that I couldn't be boy crazy like other girls my age because I couldn't stand for a boy to be close enough to me to talk to me. Learned that I was a problem for my male teachers, that I would break down into tears and shake like a leaf when they would single me out in any way. I never saw that doctor again.

No one knew any of this...because I wasn't allowed to speak.

I was thirty-one years old before I obtained counseling for my rape. And only then because the rape of a close family member brought every single one of my nightmares back. It was my husband, not always the most empathic person, who suggested I speak to someone about my rape. I truly believe he did so out of love. But I also think he was tired of waking to me screaming, and to me hitting him when he'd make the mistake of trying to soothe me while I was locked in the clutches of a nightmare.

So, Mr. Scroggins…I’m sorry. But NO ONE gets to tell me to be quiet anymore. I carry the scars that say I have the right to address this topic. I will speak.

Read what Laurie Halse Anderson has to say about this topic HERE.